i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
