how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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