You can't special order awesome
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
