So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
