If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
