i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
