Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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