your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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