I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
