i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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