I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
