I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We left an ass print on the piano.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
