I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
