Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
