I'm really into asian looking animals
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Bring me that man meat
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
