Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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