So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
