Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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