apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
