the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i love accidental penises.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
