we have officially lost it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
