Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
