Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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