Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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