If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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