They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We left the knife in your bed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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