I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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