Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
