I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
