Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
