She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
