ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
