Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
