My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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