38 yer olds are good kisserssss
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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