Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
