I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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