Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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