My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
