hotel room ftw
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
