You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
