Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
