Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
