Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
