I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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