At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
