They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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