i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
