In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
