I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
